As Father’s Day approaches, I have been thinking about how hard this holiday must be for all of those who have lost their dads or father-like figures. In particular, I have been thinking about and praying for my cousin’s two sons who are facing this day for the first time without their dad since he passed away six months ago. My husband lost his father a few years ago and in addition to Father’s Day, next week would have been my father-in-law’s birthday. Even though he wasn’t my dad, he was incredibly special to me for over thirty years. I miss him terribly. I’ve written about him in this blog on a couple of occasions.
I recently wrote this poem as a reflection of my grief journey. There are still days when the tears flow, but I know he would want me/us to keep living and finding happiness and not getting stuck in a state of mourning. This is my take on my experience, heartache, and healing after his passing:
Disbelieving wails bellow from deep within.
My eyes continually overflow with grief.
Shredded expectations, demolished dreams,
Darkness overtakes, how can I go on?
Trembling, denying, shrieking, dying,
Dying the death of reality without you.
Longing for one more day, one more conversation,
Sorrow sinks my body, my legs give way.
In great lament, my pleas to God fill the room.
Weeping, regretting, hurting, howling,
Stunned and immobilized in my loss,
Abundant cries of heartache ring out.
There’s a vast expanse from your missing presence.
I pray with my entire being, “God hold me!”
Commemorating, speaking, memorizing, reflecting,
Sadness gives way to gratitude for time shared.
Relinquishing the what-ifs, clinging to what was,
Loving you means finding joy in what is.
You would want nothing less for me.
Celebrating, adoring, honoring, exalting,
The Holy Spirit gives me strength and peace.
The richness of memories engulf my heart,
Recollection illuminates the good
As I cherish the blessings of then and now.
Remembering, loving, transforming, rising.
“Grief never ends, but it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love.”